Divorce
Well, I finally did it today. I ended the abusive relationship I've been in for the last five years. Before I give anyone a heart attack, it wasn't my marriage. It was the Tribe Forum. This is a BBC forum I've been on since October, 2001. Its populatated by a lot of very good friends, and, in the interest of keeping them as friends, I've decided to quit.
Here's the background:
Jessica went to high school in Bay City, Michigan and was a part of a very tight group of friends. Over the years, they've managed to keep together as a closely knit group. In fact, I met Jessica because one of the members of this group was in my battalion at Ft. Bragg. In many ways, the camaraderie of the Tribe is very remeniscent of barracks life. There are wives, girlfriends and children, but its still a guy group. Their interests revolve mainly around drinking, gaming, and drinking. Now again, they like to drink, also.
Despite my total lack of enthusiasm for either of these activities, I've enjoyed their company more than I can say. They are all wickedly intelligent, and honorable albiet with a slightly different set of values than mine.
The main difference amoung us has been political. I come from a very liberal background (I was genuinely surprised to learn that GW Bush had any supporters at all in 2001). Most of these guys, however, are not only Christian Conservatives, they despise liberals and beleive they represent everything that is foul in the world.
Although the forum was started in the aftermath of 9-11 (the prelude of which involves an interesting tale for another day), it wasn't until the following Autumn when it really got kick started. Dan, the guy who had introduced me to Jessica, and i had been exchanging heated e-mails debating politics and media (in particular, whether or not the media was biased) and I suggested we move the dicussion ontot he forum. We quickly did so and have spent the last five years debating almost every single political point possible. Predictably, I usual;ly took the liberal position, while he took the conservative.
I've spent hundreds and hundreds of hours on this forum. I've checked it several times a day for the last five years. Often, I've been frusterated, because Dan, and a few others who join in are very clever, and I occassionally felt as though they were arguing around the point, losing the truth to win the argument. I confess, there have been a few times when I was guilty of the same thing, although I tried hard not to be.
For the last six months, our argument had been pretty monotone. I said that the situation in Iraq was getting worse. He said I was wrong. It was becoming another nu-uh/ nu-huh conversation.
Yesterday, in yet another of these endless, and pointless discussions, I snapped. I think it was because the whole argument rested on the meaning of a simple word. I'm not going to go into great detail (if you want to read the forum, you have to join it, e-mail me if you want the URL), but I posted my thoughts in good faith, knowing that Dan couldn't help but respond (he has never, once, left one of my comments unanswered) but also knowing that if he deliberatley misinterpreted my words once more, I was done.
Well, he did it. I stormed off in a huff of electrons. I even removed the link from my favorites bar. I know that if I keep checking it, I'll have to respond. It feels like I've lost a body part right now. I'm going to suffer a lot of withdrawel (and my blog is probably going to suffer a lot more blog posts).
But I know I did the right thing. I beleive in the power of dialectic, two parties, coming from opposite directions can meet in the middle and synthasize what is best about each. But this wasn't that. It was merely an exercise in invective, who could best cloak reality in the smoothest words. It had turned...ugly.
I feel sad, but free.
Here's the background:
Jessica went to high school in Bay City, Michigan and was a part of a very tight group of friends. Over the years, they've managed to keep together as a closely knit group. In fact, I met Jessica because one of the members of this group was in my battalion at Ft. Bragg. In many ways, the camaraderie of the Tribe is very remeniscent of barracks life. There are wives, girlfriends and children, but its still a guy group. Their interests revolve mainly around drinking, gaming, and drinking. Now again, they like to drink, also.
Despite my total lack of enthusiasm for either of these activities, I've enjoyed their company more than I can say. They are all wickedly intelligent, and honorable albiet with a slightly different set of values than mine.
The main difference amoung us has been political. I come from a very liberal background (I was genuinely surprised to learn that GW Bush had any supporters at all in 2001). Most of these guys, however, are not only Christian Conservatives, they despise liberals and beleive they represent everything that is foul in the world.
Although the forum was started in the aftermath of 9-11 (the prelude of which involves an interesting tale for another day), it wasn't until the following Autumn when it really got kick started. Dan, the guy who had introduced me to Jessica, and i had been exchanging heated e-mails debating politics and media (in particular, whether or not the media was biased) and I suggested we move the dicussion ontot he forum. We quickly did so and have spent the last five years debating almost every single political point possible. Predictably, I usual;ly took the liberal position, while he took the conservative.
I've spent hundreds and hundreds of hours on this forum. I've checked it several times a day for the last five years. Often, I've been frusterated, because Dan, and a few others who join in are very clever, and I occassionally felt as though they were arguing around the point, losing the truth to win the argument. I confess, there have been a few times when I was guilty of the same thing, although I tried hard not to be.
For the last six months, our argument had been pretty monotone. I said that the situation in Iraq was getting worse. He said I was wrong. It was becoming another nu-uh/ nu-huh conversation.
Yesterday, in yet another of these endless, and pointless discussions, I snapped. I think it was because the whole argument rested on the meaning of a simple word. I'm not going to go into great detail (if you want to read the forum, you have to join it, e-mail me if you want the URL), but I posted my thoughts in good faith, knowing that Dan couldn't help but respond (he has never, once, left one of my comments unanswered) but also knowing that if he deliberatley misinterpreted my words once more, I was done.
Well, he did it. I stormed off in a huff of electrons. I even removed the link from my favorites bar. I know that if I keep checking it, I'll have to respond. It feels like I've lost a body part right now. I'm going to suffer a lot of withdrawel (and my blog is probably going to suffer a lot more blog posts).
But I know I did the right thing. I beleive in the power of dialectic, two parties, coming from opposite directions can meet in the middle and synthasize what is best about each. But this wasn't that. It was merely an exercise in invective, who could best cloak reality in the smoothest words. It had turned...ugly.
I feel sad, but free.
posted by Jonah at 11:08 PM
2 Comments:
Well, I do miss getting an alternate view. In the end, it was the fact that there wasn't any communication going on that bothered me. It was just posting to win an argument, with total disregard for rational discourse. Confession: in the last few days, I've snuck back in to see what's been going on. In my absence, a lovely discussion of the nature of the soul has been raging. Maybe I was the disruptive factor? I'm sorely tempted to post, but know that it'll all end in tears. So, for the time being, I'm staying away.
once in... never out ;>
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